You Can't Get That Dessert from here...

 

You Can’t Get That Dessert From Here !

 

Carls Jr. “The CheezeCake Chronicles™”

 

By: Dave Rose   

 

 On a warm day years ago when I was errand-boy for my Dad, I found myself driving down Miller Road in Scottsdale.  It was about lunchtime, and I was probably on my way back from some task for Dad.  (More than likely, it was after lunchtime, and I was probably hungry because I had slept in past noon and missed the free salt-laden Luby's lunch with Dad and Al Stevens.)  I passed the Carl's Jr., but I didn't consciously seek to stop in.  I do like most of their menu, but prices were higher than most other fast food joints, and a loser like me needed to save his last three dollars for the inevitable six-pack of Milwaukee's Best later that night.   Anyway, I wasn't planning on stopping, but my peripheral vision saw the word FREE in two-foot high letters painted on one of their front windows, and my head snapped over as I passed and I quickly read the advertisment.  Ahh, a deal, I said; let's check it out!
   I deftly reversed direction and entered the establishment only a moment later.  Since it was the "dead hours" (post-lunch, pre-dinner) the lobby was empty.  In fact, the entire restaurant was eerily quiet.  I did note later one occupied table in the back of the place, but no one else was to be seen.  I double-checked the deal painted in the window (yes, I can read backwards) and also noted a stand-up card advertising the meal on the counter.  Clearly, this was a promotion that all at the store level knew, or should have known about.   The deal was get a free slice of cheesecake (might have been a new item; not sure) when you order the combo with the featured sandwich.  I think it was some kind of burg with green chiles on it or something similar.  Anyway, I think it was a new sandwich on their menu, and the store had taken great pains to get me to try it.  I mean, paint the windows and give away a pie, too?  Cool!
   So, after confirming that THE DEAL sounded edible and determining I could afford it (and still have three dollars left over for later), I moved up to the counter and assumed the "Well, I'm here at the most obvious register available-looking hungry-got my money in my hand-where's the ordertaker dude so we can get moving" look.  Presently, a Grandma-aged employee shuffled up and amiably greeted me.
   I told her I was driving by and the deal in the window caught my eye, especially the part about the cheesecake, as I pointed to the picture on the counter-card in front of us.   I clearly stated I wanted the Sante Fe Combo Deal, or whatever it was called.  She asked the inevitable "For here or to go?" and I replied "To go, please", as I had no desire to spend more time in this dead zone listening to the Bee Gees or Carly Simon on their Muzak system.  She took my money, accurately gave me my change (!) and said that will be out right away, etc.  Then she handed me a triangular plastic wedge with a number on it, proclaiming I was number 32.  This should have been my first clue all was not well here.  Even the novice Carl's Jr. customer knows that a FOR HERE order gets the wedge, so you can place it on your table and they will actually bring your meal to you.  A TO GO customer gets a plastic bookmark with differently sequenced number on it that you use as a "claim ticket" when they announce your TO GO order is ready.  Actually a pretty efficient system when properly employed in a busy diner because it clears the lobby a bit - you can sit down (FOR HERE) or hang out further away (TO GO) while filling your soda cup and scanning for babes, etc. without worrying about your order sitting on the counter, cooling and unclaimed, because you missed that five second window of eye contact when they look for you and don't see you 'cause you're in the bathroom.......
   Anyway, I filled my cup with carbonated high-fructose corn syrup and obediently sat down in the booth adjacent to the drink station, positioning my number wedge properly for all to see.   Several minutes pass as the speakers shift from Wham! to Barry Manilow.   Please!  Get me outta here!  And then the Grandma arrives with my burger and fries on a tray; as if I wanted to stay!  She places the tray on the table, takes back the wedge, and meanders back behind the counter and disappears.  I was thinking, well, whatever, I'll just grab some napkins and go anyway.  Then I notice, duh, the much-anticipated cheesecake is MISSING.  How can this be?  Do I have to eat my meal and claim the slice as my prize for finishing?  Does Grandma just want to be sure I don't eat it first?  No, of course not, she just forgot.  I have to get up anyway; I'll ask her to get it for me on my way out.  Maybe ask for a bag, too, if it's not too much trouble.
   After a bit of waiting, Grandma reappears and asks if there's something else.  I explain about the missing cheesecake, and she says I didn't order the cheesecake.  I told her I clearly ordered THE DEAL in the window and even had commented about trying a new dessert item by pointing to the picture.  She recalls no such event.   I tell her, look, I came in solely because of the ad, I ordered the item in the ad, I paid for the items in the ad, I would like the cheesecake, please.  She attempts to look at the register receipt to see if in fact it was THE DEAL that I ordered, can't figure out how to do it, and turns away mumbling something about getting the manager.
   I don't know what she said or didn't say, but Manager came out with a bit of a "What Now" look on his face instead of the expected "How May I Help" look.   He says, "Grandma (or Carol or whatever) says you didn't get your cheesecake" and I said that's right.  He says, "Well, in order to get the free cheesecake you needed to order the New Santa Fe Combo (or whatever THE DEAL's real name was) and you ordered the Albuquerque Combo (or some such equivalent) and that doesn't come with the free cheesecake.  So I repeated to him about how when I ordered I told "Carol" that I had seen the ad in the window that was lovingly painted by a professional, how I had pointed to the picture card on the counter and  mentioned my anticipation for a rare dessert to be added to my fast food diet and I don't how I possibly could have said, or misspoke, or been misheard to say "Albuquerque Combo" instead of "Santa Fe Combo", but I suppose anything's possible.   He said "Well, I don't like that you're hassling my employee".  I said I hadn't hassled anyone, I just wanted the free cheesecake, whatever the meal is that gets me that, that's what I came in for.   Besides, I added, I asked for the meal to be prepared TO GO, not FOR HERE, so I'm betting that "Carol" just typed it in wrong or something, it's not that big a deal.   I suggested we start over and make the right sandwich so I can get the cheesecake or, since I've already been here ten minutes and so you don't have to throw anything away, just stick with this burger here, either way is okay with me.  With the merest of grunts and a dirty look, Manager, with incredibly polished precision, reaches under the counter, grabs the correct bag, pops it open with one snap of the wrist, jams the burger in the bottom and crams the fries on top, spins and stoops 180 degress to the reach-in cooler behind him, snaps out the offending cheesecake, spins back and literally, and I mean literally throws the dessert in the bag.  POP! SCRUNCH! SLAP! BAM!  Then he says, and I am NOT making this up "Now get the Hell out of my restaurant and don't come back!"
   For about one full second I fight through the shock of his reaction and prepare to hurl an appropriate epithet in return.  Then I scan my brain for a snippet of any possible training in my storied restaurant experience that would account for Manager to be justified in his actions.  There is no such thing.  In the next second I recognize that well, I got my cheesecake, my burger's now in a bag, and I've been told my presence in no longer appreciated.   Common sense prevails and without more than a curt "Thank You" I turn and leave.
   I wasn't until later that I have decided that "Carol" probably, in her confusion, relayed the story to Manager with some exaggeration or untruths, or perhaps she really did interpret my questioning as being more impolite than it was, I don't know.  But for Manager to handle the situation the way he did was just uncalled for.   I never did return to that store.
   When I got back to the office or wherever I ate the prized cheesecake, it wasn't until then that I realized, or course, that I didn't get a fork.  Sigh.....