Thursday, September 5, 2019
Sunday, November 25, 2018
The Empty Receiver Box By : Dan Rose Courtesy of Sears™ You Can't Get There From Here™
The Empty Receiver Box
By : Dan Rose Courtesy
of Sears™
For almost 30 years , I owned a Home Theater / Satellite TV company in Phoenix /( Scottsdale AZ ( Personal Cable TV Systems™ ) ... I had the contract with SEARS™ when DirecTV™ & Dish Network™ came out with the second generation hardware. Dish Net. was playing around with the International market. It was right after 911 and The Arab market was exploding ! ( HA! I crack me up ! ) , anyhow so I go to this home with the box from Sears and open it up and get ready to do the install . I unpack the Dish and LNB head ( the Pre-amp that the dish reflects the concetrated microwaves at ) and to my surprize , it was "hollow" , there were NO electronics in it. So I figured I could get it swapped at Sears for another one with a wholllllle lot of red-tape and paperwork ... so I continued , and mounted the dish and aimed it with a spare head from my companies stock, and ran the cable to the living room TV. These were really nice folks that were thrilled to be getting TV channels from Iran, Egypt, Dubai, and 2 from India. As I pulled the receiver box out of the shipping box, I couldn't believe my eyes and I was LOL and WTF !!!??? at the same time. The receiver box was, yup, you guessed it , empty , no circuit boards. I took polaroids for my own amusement, and tried to explain through the little kid that I couldn't finish the job today , because their equipment was "hollow" ...
... I showed them the box and the
LNB head and they gave me that look that transcended our language barrier ...
like " Are you Frigg<%ing Kidding Us ! ...??? " So I proceded to SEARS with the empty / empty boxes ... their returns Dept . called in several manager types with clip-boards and they gave me that look again : ...
" Are you Frigg<%ing Kidding Us ! ...??? "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sears 360 Return Policy by : Ginette Rose You Can't Get There From Here™
Sears
360 Return Policy
by :
Ginette Rose
Ginette
goes to a Sears store to check out a sale in progress on infant & toddler
clothes. She buys an outfit and pays for it with a credit card. As she is
leaving, she spots a similar outfit at a much better price. So she returns to
the counter where she just purchased it tried to return the item she just
bought 10 minutes ago. The clerk told her that she couldn’t return it because
she had just used the credit card, but that if she were to return later or tomorrow
or turn around and come back that she could return it. Ginny sensing to
ridiculous nature of the robot-clerk, asked , you mean to tell me that if I
turn around and come back , that you will let me return it…?
clerk
Yes … .
So , she
spins around 360 degrees and says “I’m back , can I return it now …?”
The
clerk said … Yes … and handles the return.
The Banana Tree has Scientists ! You Can't Get There From Here™
The Banana Tree …
Siggghhh
… OK ,
So I
decide that I would like to add a few hundred “Mexican Bird of Paradise” to border my SE Arizona ( almost Mexico )
yard in the front , so that you can see the beautiful Red Yellow & Orange
flowers that bloom all Spring Summer & Fall …
So I
access “The InterNets” … and I land on The Banana Tree …site looks cool , I
find The Red and the Yellow … hmmm where’s the Orange ..? so .. being the ever-inquisitive seed planter
guy that I am , I decide to send them an e-mail to their customer support
e-mail listed in their contact us area on their home page , asking if they
carry the orange ones … copy to follow … I get this “gem” back …
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We grow the true Mexican bird of paradise, Caesalpinia
pulcherrima as is
indicated on our web site.
----- Original Message -----
From: <rosebudfarms@cableone.net>
To: <faban@banana-tree.com>
Cc: <Support@banana-tree.com>
Sent: Sunday, February 01, 2009 7:33 PM
Subject: Customer Support
> Dan Rose #
>
> Dear sirs ,
>
> I am looking for what we commonly called Mexican Bird of
> Paradise .
>
> I want Mostly Red ~100 seeds , some Orange , some yellow ...
>
> am I on the right track with these picks from your web-site
> ...?
>
> Looks like I was not able to find the Bright Orange ones ,
> do you carry them ...?
>
>
>
>
> http://www.banana-tree.com/Product_Detail~category~20~Product_ID~353.cfm
>
> red Mexican bird of paradise
>
> http://www.banana-tree.com/Product_Detail~category~20~Product_ID~18862.cfm
>
> yellow Bird of Paradise
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> thanks !
>
> Dan Rose
>
> RoseBud Farms
>
> rosebudfarms@cableone.net
>
> 928-322-7153
>
indicated on our web site.
----- Original Message -----
From: <rosebudfarms@cableone.net>
To: <faban@banana-tree.com>
Cc: <Support@banana-tree.com>
Sent: Sunday, February 01, 2009 7:33 PM
Subject: Customer Support
> Dan Rose #
>
> Dear sirs ,
>
> I am looking for what we commonly called Mexican Bird of
> Paradise .
>
> I want Mostly Red ~100 seeds , some Orange , some yellow ...
>
> am I on the right track with these picks from your web-site
> ...?
>
> Looks like I was not able to find the Bright Orange ones ,
> do you carry them ...?
>
>
>
>
> http://www.banana-tree.com/Product_Detail~category~20~Product_ID~353.cfm
>
> red Mexican bird of paradise
>
> http://www.banana-tree.com/Product_Detail~category~20~Product_ID~18862.cfm
>
> yellow Bird of Paradise
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> thanks !
>
> Dan Rose
>
> RoseBud Farms
>
> rosebudfarms@cableone.net
>
> 928-322-7153
>
OK ,
So
basically , the “no-name” customer service ( laff ) person / robot … thinks
that that was a pretty funny response … him & his buddies are back at the
olde Banana Tree just yucking it up , boy they sure pulled a good one over on
that dope , yup man did we smoke him ! HA !
Hmmm
…What did they just tell me in that response …?
Let’s
see now
1.)
We
grow the good stuff … cool I WANT the “good” stuff !
2.)
it’s
on our Web-site … OK … that’s sweet , so I think that’s what I was asking
Jethro there was , where it was exactly …
3.)
so
… find it yourself , you dork loser !
Hmmm… So
I decide , Gee , wouldn’t it be a great idea to call a live human being and ask
them where the Orange ones are so that I can order them . ( you know I find the
product that I want and I give them my money and they send them to me … this is
pretty much my theory of how this is s u
p p o s e d to work )
So I
call the place at 1:45 PM on Feb 02, 2009 , and I get in the most robot
lifeless voice possible … “Banana Tree”
… So I explain that I am Dan Rose and That I had E-mailed their customer
support and that I had wanted to get some red and yellow and orange Mexican
Birds of Paradise , and that I had received a response , but that I did not
understand it.
There
was a pause … then he ( whomever “he” was ) said ( I’m not making this up ! )
“ Well , we’re Scientists™ here ! “
He then went on with a few sentences filled with very
technical language and botanical names of things ( you know the Itallian stuff
that is meant to impress you if you are impressed by that kind of thing) … I
sensed a “You Can’t Get There From Here™” moment was in progress … and I had
just dealt with one of those 10 minutes earlier ( See Burgess Seed Co. story )
, so I really wasn’t in the mood for his “I’m superior to you because I’m a
Scientist and You Aren’t” thingie …
So I just bluntly
asked… “ so does that mean that you do
or you do not have the Orange ones…?
He continued to use a bunch of hooey , and I finally got out of him that
sometimes the red ones can turn orange , but that they grow thousands of types
and they can’t guaranty any colors …
Now I
thinkin’ ( uhhh WHAT !!! ??? , again isn’t THAT YOUR business ! ??? I thought that you were Scientists™
! …???
LOL !
Then “He” ends the conversation , by stating that “ well , I have helped you all that I can.
“ … click !
I thanked him , and hung up. ( even though he had just
hung up on ME , I thanked an empty phone line. ( bizzarre ! )
For a few seconds I was I was of course stunned … again.
How is it possible that this guy is allowed to answer the phone and deal with
people …?
I suppose that I should find some comfort in the fact that
I kind of almost sort-of , got an answer to my question … but still amazed that
it is possible for yet another experience with flat lousy communication skills
and people with no people skills handling incoming phone calls.
Amazing !
But wait ! there’s more … LOL ! you will not believe this
so I had the presence of mind to copy this after ordering my Red Birds of
Paradise ( that might have a few Orange ones in there ) … this is their page
that pops-up after you order something from them … I have NOT doctored this in
any way , they really DO say this stuff , oh
yes they do !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thank you! Your order has been
recieved!
Your order number is #39706.
PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT US JUST TO SEE IF WE
RECIEVED THIS ORDER, IF YOU ARE READING THIS PAGE WE DID 100% GET YOUR ORDER.
WE DO NOT LOSE ORDERS, IF YOU ARE READING THIS YOUR ORDER IS IN OUR
DATABASE SYSTEM AND IS BEGING PROCESSED.
- YOU WILL NOT BE CHARGED UNTIL WE SHIP YOUR ORDER, IF
YOU HAVE A LARGE ORDER IT MAY TAKE UP TO 10 DAYS TO FILL YOUR ORDER
DEPENDING ON SEED AVALIABLITY AT THE TIME OF YOUR ORDER.
- THERE'S
A CHANCE YOU MAY NOT GET YOUR EMAIL ORDER CONFIRMATION FROM US FOR THIS
ORDER, BECAUSE OF ANTI-SPAM BLOCKERS AND TYPOS IN EMAIL ADDRESSES ETC.. IF
YOU DON'T GET AN EMAIL CONFIRMATION DON'T CONTACT US TO SEE IF WE RECIEVED
YOUR ORDER, IF YOU ARE ON THIS PAGE READING THIS, YOUR ORDER IS 100% IN
OUR DATABASE, YOU COULD NOT HAVE REACHED THIS PAGE WITHOUT YOUR ORDER
BEING ADDED TO OUR DATABASE FIRST.
- PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT US JUST TO SEE IF WE RECIEVED
THIS ORDER, IF YOU ARE READING THIS PAGE WE DID 100% GET YOUR ORDER. WE DO
NOT LOSE ORDERS, IF YOU ARE READING THIS YOUR ORDER IS IN OUR
DATABASE SYSTEM AND WILL BE PROCESSED IN A TIMELY MANNER.
- DO
NOT RE-ORDER BECAUSE YOU THINK WE DIDNT' GET YOUR ORDER, IF YOU'RE ON THIS
PAGE WE 100% HAVE YOUR ORDER, PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT JUST TO SEE IF WE GOT
YOUR ORDER, IF YOU ARE READING THIS YOUR ORDER IS IN OUR DATABASE AND WILL
BE SENT OUT ASAP.
- DO NOT PLACE ANOTHER ORDER BECASUE YOU THINK WE
DIDN'T GET YOUR FIRST ORDER, AS THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE WE'LL CHARGE AND
SEND YOU BOTH ORDERS, WE PROCESS A LARGE VOLUME OF ORDERS DAILY AND CAN
NOT CATCH ALL ORDER MISTAKES.
The SuperSonic Breakfast Burrito™ by: Dan Rose Courtesy of Sonic You Can't Get There From Here™
The
SuperSonic Breakfast Burrito™
by: Dan Rose
Courtesy of Sonic
While
attending a trade show and setting up our booth , a co-worker suggested that he
get us set-up with a couple of Breakfast Burritos. He brought me a couple and
they were very good indeed . A tortilla with scrambled eggs , bacon , cheese,
potatoes , Jalapeno and onions sautéed , and the crowning glory of Green
Chili. MAN , were they good !
Well the
next day as I was preparing to enter the exhibit hall for the day , I stopped
at the local Sonic , where the previous morning , we had purchased these fine
Burritos.
I pull
up to the order window . The bell “dings.”
Out of the speaker comes Whaa wa wa whaaa wa whhhaaa wa … ?
Well ,
he / she / it must have been giving me a salutation and asking what my order
was … I guess … so I proceed to
order :
Yes I’ll
have the SuperSonic Breakfast Burrito …pause … speaker : Whaa wa wa whaaa wa
whhhaaa wa … ? I didn’t understand you , did you get that …? Speaker : Whaa wa wa whaaa wa whhhaaa wa … ? I’m not
sure what it is you are saying , ( now v e r r r y s l o w l y …) Yes , I want the breakfast burrito with the
eggs , bacon , cheese , potatoes, peppers & onions and the green Chili …
pause … speaker : (barely recognizing as the English language ) sorry , we can’t make that for you … Me :
What do you mean …? Speaker : We can’t make that for you Sir” ( boy , now THAT sure helped clarify things )
Me : Why
can’t you make it for me , I don’t understand …? speaker : we don’t have
potatoes Sir … Me: yes you do ! speaker : Sir , we can’t make that burrito for
you , WE DON’T HAVE POTATOES! Me: (
almost chuckling that this was a classic case of severe Taco Bell Syndrome
) uhhh… well I bought four of them right
here yesterday , and so I want one today … ( thinking , searching my mind
trying to think what could possibly be the problem here … hmmm … “ so , are you
saying that you ran out of potatoes or something …? Speaker : Sir , we don’t
carry potatoes here …
( I’m
sitting there thinking either this gal is as dumb as a box of rocks , or I’m on
Candid Camera or something …the cars behind me are 6 deep by now … thinking
, look at the menu board , hmmm… French fries , Tater Tots … last time I
checked , those both pretty muck qualified as part of the potato family … WTF
…??? Hmmm… gotta’ use logic , don’t get
angry , stay calm … )
Me :
look I don’t know what the problem is , I just want the same thing I got
yesterday …a burrito with eggs bacon cheese potatoes and green chili , it’s
right here on the menu board that I an looking at …pause … exasperated voice
through the speaker : Sir , we can’t make that burrito for you , WE DON’T HAVE
POTATOES! Sir !
Me: (
now totally angry ) So you are REFUSING
to make my burrito ! ? I drive away , circle the parking lot and
decide that there must be a brighter bulb in the box than the gal on the
speaker. Now I don’t know if Sonic is a national chain or just a regional;
thing , but it’s set-up like an old-fashioned A & W drive in , where you
drive in at an angle and young girls & guys come out to your car and
deliver your order so you can eat in your car.
So I pull into a stall and push the order
button. Speaker : Whaa wa wa whaaa wa whhhaaa wa …may I take your
order ? Me : could you please send
someone out here ? speaker : OK … 20 seconds , young cute girl shows up , I say
look I don’t know what the problem is with the main window , but I want this (
pointing to the burrito picture on the order board , me being brilliant
thinking that a picture might produce better communication with these
life-forms ) “and I want green chili on
it “ she says oh , OK … she disappears
into the kitchen , now I’m waiting and waiting and waiting , several cars have
pulled up on either side of me with multiple passengers and been served , eaten
their “meals” and left , and I , well I’m still waiting for my burrito ( 20
minutes … hmmm … why is this taking so long …? )
I push the service button … speaker : Whaa wa
wa whaaa wa whhhaaa wa … May I take your order ? Me: uhhh… yeah I’m wonderin’ if you’ve made
any progress on that Burrito in there … speaker : Did you place an order …? Me:
YES , I ordered a SuperSonic Breakfast Burrito with Green Chili on it … speaker
: hold on I’ll check … tick tick tick …
5 minutes later no answer yet , now I’m really getting angry … a young pimply
faced kid appears at my window with a tray full of jelly paks and ketchup &
mustard paks & sugar and stuff and says : do you need anything here sir …?
Me: Well , yes I’d like the Burrito that I ordered over half an hour ago ! kid
: I ‘ll go check … another 5 minutes … nothing …
I figure
I’ve been had , some kid is in the back peeling flys off the pest strips ,
spitting and whacking into that burrito by now … NO-ONE waits 35 minutes at
drive-thru restaurant for anything … Me: pushing service button, speaker: Whaa wa wa whaaa wa whhhaaa wa …
May I take your order ? Me: YEAH , I’M
THE GUY THAT HAS BEEN WAITING FOR THE BURRITO OUT HERE FOR 35 MINUTES , I KNOW
WHAT YOU PERVERTED LOSERS ARE DOING TO IT IN THE BACK ROOM , YOU GET TO KEEP IT
FOR YOURSELVES ! …
I drive
off without my Breakfast Burrito.
Circa
2007
The WheelBarrow that Jack Built By : Taglys You Can't Get There From Here™
The WheelBarrow that Jack Built
By : Taglys
Courtesy of Lowes’
I had one of those you can't get there from here moments at Lowe's
Knows Jack Schnikey.... I went to buy a wheelbarrow a simple enough operation
so I thought. After just looking around at all the neat stuff they have sitting
around in the great expanse of consumerism. I decided well I would go check out
the wheelbarrows outside.... so I am looking around at this one that one and
another all lined up together and chained up. I decided on which one I wanted
walked in and waited patiently at the counter. I stood there listening to the
to guy's behind the counter discuss how well they scored the night before. I
give the *ahem* (hello customer here wanting to buy something so they can pay
you to stand and talk all day sign)..."yeah can I help you?" "I
want to buy one the wheel barrows out there product number# yadda
yadda"...he goes into his book and charges me I pay him..."uh yeah
your going to have to go to lawn and garden"..."uh no they are right
out there...if you just step into the alcove you can see them"...."No
the one you want is in lawn and garden"....
I began to question my sanity and was wondering if I had a LSD
flashback or something...so I walk aaaaaaaalll the way down to the other end of
the store...I walk up to the cashier I hand her my receipt and say "I need
to pick up this wheel barrow I just paid for aaaaaallllll the way down there
and came here to get it. "I'm sorry sir you came to far, they are down at
contractor sales" "You need to go back down there and get it"
"Wait I was just there, they told me to come here even though I already
knew they were just outside the door" " Well sir you need to go back
down there and a manager will be waiting for you" *sigh*
I get there wait a few
minutes out comes the manager on the phone. "I would like this one
here." As I hand her my receipt. "I'm sorry there has been a
misunderstanding" "You paid for an unassembled one and they are in
the garden center." Up until this time I have remained calm and very
amiable...
I now feel the switch on my breaker begin to flip. I look at the
price tag and then my receipt and back at the price tag that amazingly match
each other.” No, I paid for this one right here...it's 49.99.... I paid
49.99." "Well sir there is a 10.00 assembly fee" "That may
be so...then the original price of the wheel barrow should be 39.99 +10.00
makes 49.99." "It would be 59.99 if we assembled it" I'm not an
engineering genius but that wheelbarrow looked pretty dang assembled to me.
"This is the price I paid this is the price that is on the wheel barrow if
it's wrong you can change it once I leave with mine."
Then it hit me like a beacon "FREE ASSEMBLY" I
point this out...and she looks at not only that tag but all of the tags just to
make sure I guess...."we will get you taken care of I am really
sorry" "I will get the guy to come out and unlock them."
"Wait a minute you don't even have a key and you came out here to do
what?" Well...since I decided to actually purchase my wheel barrow took 45
minutes...plus waiting 15 min for Zeke to stop talking to Bubba and come out
and unlock it...after he asked to see my receipt.... Zeke is the same one who
sent me to lawn and garden at first....
oh yeah their assembly job sucked the wheel fell off.
By : Taglys
Dairy Queen Gravy by: Tim Rose You Can't Get There From Here™
Dairy Queen Gravy
by: Tim
Rose
I went to a Dairy Queen. They have the best chicken strips
around - MMMMMM chicken strips. The reason they are the best is because instead
of serving them with BBQ sauce or honey mustard or some other sodium benzoate
goop, they serve the chicken strips with HOT homestyle white gravy - southern
style! YEAH!
However on this occasion, I wasn't extremely hungry and I was
short on cash, I decided to order the 'kid's meal' version which had 2 strips
instead of 4 and was about 3 bucks with a drink and fries. When I ordered it, I
of course, requested that it come with the gravy - and plenty of it because
chicken strips without gravy are...well, ...McNuggets.
So the classic Taco Bell response was - " Sorry we don't
serve gravy with the chicken strips." To which my obvious reply was
"Do you no longer have the ability to make gravy?" No, we have lots
of gravy, we just don't serve it with the kid's meal. Ok, can I have some gravy
with my kids meal? No. Why do you not serve the gravy with the kids meal? Because the gravy is HOT.
Exactly. That is kind of
the point of having gravy with the chicken strips.
We can’t serve gravy with the kids meal.
If I were to order the large serving of chicken strips,
would I be able to get the HOT gravy?
Yes.
Then how about giving me the HOT gravy with my kids meal? We cant serve gravy with
the kids meal Ok, I'll bite - WHY NOT?
Because kids might burn themselves.
Ok, but it is for me - I am clearly an adult there are no
children with me and I cross my heart that I wont go out and resell it to some
wandering 8-year old out on the street and you just said you would give me the
gravy if I ordered the larger size. So if it is ok for me to burn myself with a
large order, can I not have the freedom to burn myself with the kids meal?
We can’t serve gravy with the kids meal.
Is the gravy a controlled substance? How about if I order the
kids meal and request a side-order of gravy?
Sure, we can do that.
So I paid the extra $.50 - but I had HOT gravy...
I think I burned my
tongue.
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