My beautiful grandaughter Nora made this in about 10 minutes...

https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1KcF7iWNTmOm1rsEWQwAunt5sPgwFg1EPOdlYShlOAtU/edit?slide=id.g3f83f1b9cae_0_37#slide=id.g3f83f1b9cae_0_37

Tell her if you like it here !

Thanks, Dan

http://planetspaceage.blogspot.com

 For older Blog activity go here :   http://planetspaceage.blogspot.com

Napoleon Bonaparte on Idiots ...

 

Napoleon Bonaparte

"Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence." 

Napoleon Bonaparte

Dairy Queen Gravy ...

 

Dairy Queen Gravy 

 

by: Tim Rose

 

I went to a Dairy Queen. They have the best chicken strips around - MMMMMM chicken strips. The reason they are the best is because instead of serving them with BBQ sauce or honey mustard or some other sodium benzoate goop, they serve the chicken strips with HOT homestyle white gravy - southern style! YEAH!

 

However on this occasion, I wasn't extremely hungry and I was short on cash, I decided to order the 'kid's meal' version which had 2 strips instead of 4 and was about 3 bucks with a drink and fries. When I ordered it, I of course, requested that it come with the gravy - and plenty of it because chicken strips without gravy are...well, ...McNuggets.

 

So the classic Taco Bell response was - " Sorry we don't serve gravy with the chicken strips." To which my obvious reply was "Do you no longer have the ability to make gravy?" No, we have lots of gravy, we just don't serve it with the kid's meal. Ok, can I have some gravy with my kids meal? No. Why do you not serve the gravy with the kids meal? Because the gravy is HOT.

 

 Exactly. That is kind of the point of having gravy with the chicken strips.

 

We can’t serve gravy with the kids meal.

 

If I were to order the large serving of chicken strips, would I be able to get the HOT gravy?

 

Yes.

 

Then how about giving me the HOT gravy with my kids meal? We cant serve gravy with the kids meal Ok, I'll bite - WHY NOT?

 

Because kids might burn themselves.

 

Ok, but it is for me - I am clearly an adult there are no children with me and I cross my heart that I wont go out and resell it to some wandering 8-year old out on the street and you just said you would give me the gravy if I ordered the larger size. So if it is ok for me to burn myself with a large order, can I not have the freedom to burn myself with the kids meal?

 

We can’t serve gravy with the kids meal.

 

Is the gravy a controlled substance? How about if I order the kids meal and request a side-order of gravy?

 

Sure, we can do that.

 

So I paid the extra $.50 - but I had HOT gravy...

 

 I think I burned my tongue.

 

We Are NOT Alone , The MotherShip...

 

We Are Not Alone by:

 

 Dan Rose

 

Summer of '72...

 

... the North Side of Scottsdale AZ didn't exist at that time ... Pima Road was a dirt rd and Bell Rd was also ...

 

The cliques in high-school back then were fairly distinct ... you were either a :

 

Jock - Sports & School Spirit

CowBoy - boots , hats , chew

Pencil-Geek ( Nerd )

Square - Straight laced

Head - Hippy / Doper / Surfer Dude

Lou - Loser

Rich - Rich Snobs

 

OK , I was a "Head" ...

 

Any how the area of Bell & Pima was a notorious "boondock-party" area that was very cool set-up for stoner teenagers ... The CowBoys had their Bonfire party with about 30 guys drinkin' Coors and standin around sayin stuff like .. whuttt ...? ...  

 

...anyhow ... the guys that wanted to light-up went just past the CowBoys to hang out have a couple Miller High-Lifes' and toke a doobie ... The CowBoys didn't mind this arrangement and when one of the two Scottsdale Police Officers showed up and told them to pour out their Coors and go home , we had enough warning to make sure that no Bob Marley odors were in the air by then and slip out a while later.

 

This ONE particular night Myself and Charlie & Steve & Jim went to "The Majeem" ( Mu-gheeem " ) I don't remember where this came from , just our nick-name for a geographic area to party at night in peace.

 

We got there early that night , passed the CowBoys , waved ... got to the big berm that is now The Central Arizona Project Canal bank ( water from the Colorado River ) ... rolled over it and parked .

 

BEFORE we could crack a cold one , BEFORE we lit a Jay , There it was , right in front of us zooming at our direction with very intense speed and ... quiet ... no dust no wind no noise of any kind , all of the desert animal sounds were silent , we could no longer hear the CowBoys party.

 

Have You ever seen Close Encounters of The Third Kind ...? Remember The Mother Ship ...?

 

Hmmm ... All of us were silent . We stared at this huge THING in front of us bigger than any airplane we had ever seen , more like a Cruise ship suspended right in front of us , with , yes , all the pretty lights and immense proportions , It was there for only about 30 seconds just THERE , just sitting there 30 ft off the ground , whoosh ... as fast as we could comprehend it leaving us to the north and then veering to the East it left us . Not any SOUND ! ...??? no wind no dust no physical normal signs that a thing as big as 2 football fields had just left at thousands of miles per hour. We were all in shock ... I remember that slowly the desert noises started comming back , the Cicadas, the Quail cooing the breeze through the Creosote bushes etc ... We all looked at eachother and all said in unison WHOAAAAH !!!

 

 

WTF was that ...???!!!

 

As we were leaving we drove by the smoldering campfire where the CowBoys had been only a few moments ago. ( I think we went to Taco Bell and went home early that night. )

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

A few years ago I called Charlie and asked , hey Charlie , do you remember that night in '72 when ... "Yup"

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

I can not explain it. I can not tell you what it was. I can without any hesitation in this world tell you:

 

 "We are NOT Alone"

 

SpaceAge

 

You Can't Get That Dessert from here...

 

You Can’t Get That Dessert From Here !

 

Carls Jr. “The CheezeCake Chronicles™”

 

By: Dave Rose   

 

 On a warm day years ago when I was errand-boy for my Dad, I found myself driving down Miller Road in Scottsdale.  It was about lunchtime, and I was probably on my way back from some task for Dad.  (More than likely, it was after lunchtime, and I was probably hungry because I had slept in past noon and missed the free salt-laden Luby's lunch with Dad and Al Stevens.)  I passed the Carl's Jr., but I didn't consciously seek to stop in.  I do like most of their menu, but prices were higher than most other fast food joints, and a loser like me needed to save his last three dollars for the inevitable six-pack of Milwaukee's Best later that night.   Anyway, I wasn't planning on stopping, but my peripheral vision saw the word FREE in two-foot high letters painted on one of their front windows, and my head snapped over as I passed and I quickly read the advertisment.  Ahh, a deal, I said; let's check it out!
   I deftly reversed direction and entered the establishment only a moment later.  Since it was the "dead hours" (post-lunch, pre-dinner) the lobby was empty.  In fact, the entire restaurant was eerily quiet.  I did note later one occupied table in the back of the place, but no one else was to be seen.  I double-checked the deal painted in the window (yes, I can read backwards) and also noted a stand-up card advertising the meal on the counter.  Clearly, this was a promotion that all at the store level knew, or should have known about.   The deal was get a free slice of cheesecake (might have been a new item; not sure) when you order the combo with the featured sandwich.  I think it was some kind of burg with green chiles on it or something similar.  Anyway, I think it was a new sandwich on their menu, and the store had taken great pains to get me to try it.  I mean, paint the windows and give away a pie, too?  Cool!
   So, after confirming that THE DEAL sounded edible and determining I could afford it (and still have three dollars left over for later), I moved up to the counter and assumed the "Well, I'm here at the most obvious register available-looking hungry-got my money in my hand-where's the ordertaker dude so we can get moving" look.  Presently, a Grandma-aged employee shuffled up and amiably greeted me.
   I told her I was driving by and the deal in the window caught my eye, especially the part about the cheesecake, as I pointed to the picture on the counter-card in front of us.   I clearly stated I wanted the Sante Fe Combo Deal, or whatever it was called.  She asked the inevitable "For here or to go?" and I replied "To go, please", as I had no desire to spend more time in this dead zone listening to the Bee Gees or Carly Simon on their Muzak system.  She took my money, accurately gave me my change (!) and said that will be out right away, etc.  Then she handed me a triangular plastic wedge with a number on it, proclaiming I was number 32.  This should have been my first clue all was not well here.  Even the novice Carl's Jr. customer knows that a FOR HERE order gets the wedge, so you can place it on your table and they will actually bring your meal to you.  A TO GO customer gets a plastic bookmark with differently sequenced number on it that you use as a "claim ticket" when they announce your TO GO order is ready.  Actually a pretty efficient system when properly employed in a busy diner because it clears the lobby a bit - you can sit down (FOR HERE) or hang out further away (TO GO) while filling your soda cup and scanning for babes, etc. without worrying about your order sitting on the counter, cooling and unclaimed, because you missed that five second window of eye contact when they look for you and don't see you 'cause you're in the bathroom.......
   Anyway, I filled my cup with carbonated high-fructose corn syrup and obediently sat down in the booth adjacent to the drink station, positioning my number wedge properly for all to see.   Several minutes pass as the speakers shift from Wham! to Barry Manilow.   Please!  Get me outta here!  And then the Grandma arrives with my burger and fries on a tray; as if I wanted to stay!  She places the tray on the table, takes back the wedge, and meanders back behind the counter and disappears.  I was thinking, well, whatever, I'll just grab some napkins and go anyway.  Then I notice, duh, the much-anticipated cheesecake is MISSING.  How can this be?  Do I have to eat my meal and claim the slice as my prize for finishing?  Does Grandma just want to be sure I don't eat it first?  No, of course not, she just forgot.  I have to get up anyway; I'll ask her to get it for me on my way out.  Maybe ask for a bag, too, if it's not too much trouble.
   After a bit of waiting, Grandma reappears and asks if there's something else.  I explain about the missing cheesecake, and she says I didn't order the cheesecake.  I told her I clearly ordered THE DEAL in the window and even had commented about trying a new dessert item by pointing to the picture.  She recalls no such event.   I tell her, look, I came in solely because of the ad, I ordered the item in the ad, I paid for the items in the ad, I would like the cheesecake, please.  She attempts to look at the register receipt to see if in fact it was THE DEAL that I ordered, can't figure out how to do it, and turns away mumbling something about getting the manager.
   I don't know what she said or didn't say, but Manager came out with a bit of a "What Now" look on his face instead of the expected "How May I Help" look.   He says, "Grandma (or Carol or whatever) says you didn't get your cheesecake" and I said that's right.  He says, "Well, in order to get the free cheesecake you needed to order the New Santa Fe Combo (or whatever THE DEAL's real name was) and you ordered the Albuquerque Combo (or some such equivalent) and that doesn't come with the free cheesecake.  So I repeated to him about how when I ordered I told "Carol" that I had seen the ad in the window that was lovingly painted by a professional, how I had pointed to the picture card on the counter and  mentioned my anticipation for a rare dessert to be added to my fast food diet and I don't how I possibly could have said, or misspoke, or been misheard to say "Albuquerque Combo" instead of "Santa Fe Combo", but I suppose anything's possible.   He said "Well, I don't like that you're hassling my employee".  I said I hadn't hassled anyone, I just wanted the free cheesecake, whatever the meal is that gets me that, that's what I came in for.   Besides, I added, I asked for the meal to be prepared TO GO, not FOR HERE, so I'm betting that "Carol" just typed it in wrong or something, it's not that big a deal.   I suggested we start over and make the right sandwich so I can get the cheesecake or, since I've already been here ten minutes and so you don't have to throw anything away, just stick with this burger here, either way is okay with me.  With the merest of grunts and a dirty look, Manager, with incredibly polished precision, reaches under the counter, grabs the correct bag, pops it open with one snap of the wrist, jams the burger in the bottom and crams the fries on top, spins and stoops 180 degress to the reach-in cooler behind him, snaps out the offending cheesecake, spins back and literally, and I mean literally throws the dessert in the bag.  POP! SCRUNCH! SLAP! BAM!  Then he says, and I am NOT making this up "Now get the Hell out of my restaurant and don't come back!"
   For about one full second I fight through the shock of his reaction and prepare to hurl an appropriate epithet in return.  Then I scan my brain for a snippet of any possible training in my storied restaurant experience that would account for Manager to be justified in his actions.  There is no such thing.  In the next second I recognize that well, I got my cheesecake, my burger's now in a bag, and I've been told my presence in no longer appreciated.   Common sense prevails and without more than a curt "Thank You" I turn and leave.
   I wasn't until later that I have decided that "Carol" probably, in her confusion, relayed the story to Manager with some exaggeration or untruths, or perhaps she really did interpret my questioning as being more impolite than it was, I don't know.  But for Manager to handle the situation the way he did was just uncalled for.   I never did return to that store.
   When I got back to the office or wherever I ate the prized cheesecake, it wasn't until then that I realized, or course, that I didn't get a fork.  Sigh.....

RIP : Ginnys' Life in Pictures

  

Ginnys' Life in Pictures

 

Ginny Rose

Ginette Rose, a resident of Pima, entered into life eternal Wednesday morning, May 15, 2019, at her residence, following a lengthy illness. Ginny was 63. Ginny was born March 28, 1956, in Port Jefferson, New York. She resided in Comack and Long Island sixteen years, before relocating to Scottsdale, Arizona, in 1973. While attending high school, Ginny met Dan Rose and they dated for a year before marrying in 1974. Ginny leaves to mourn: her husband of 45 years, Dan; three daughters, Renee Marie Rose-Ajeman, Becky Leann Rose and Sarah Beth Rose; her son, Adam Benjamin Rose; her sister and brother, Kathy Huizar and Greg LeDuc; and her eight beautiful grandchildren she loved immensely. Ginny was preceded in death by: her son, David Edward Rose; her parents, Donald William Leduc and Mary Frances Culver; and a sister Karen Dorgan. Funeral services for Ginny will be conducted Friday morning, May 24, 2019, at 11:00 a.m., at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Pima Chapel. Concluding services will follow in the Pima Cemetery. The family will receive friends Friday morning from 10:00 a.m. until 10:45 a.m., at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Pima Chapel Junior Sunday School Room. The family suggests donations be made to https://www.gofundme.com/s7j62s-memorial-service

The Empty Receiver Box By : Dan Rose Courtesy of Sears™ You Can't Get There From Here™

The Empty Receiver Box

By : Dan Rose                                       Courtesy of Sears™

I'm as serious as I can be ... ( one of Dans' Stories' comming )

For almost 30 years , I owned a Home Theater / Satellite TV company in Phoenix /( Scottsdale AZ ( Personal Cable TV Systems™ ) ... I had the contract with SEARS™ when DirecTV™ & Dish Network™ came out with the second generation hardware. Dish Net. was playing around with the International market. It was right after 911 and The Arab market was exploding ! ( HA! I crack me up ! ) , anyhow so I go to this home with the box from Sears and open it up and get ready to do the install . I unpack the Dish and LNB head ( the Pre-amp that the dish reflects the concetrated microwaves at ) and to my surprize , it was "hollow" , there were NO electronics in it. So I figured I could get it swapped at Sears for another one with a wholllllle lot of red-tape and paperwork ... so I continued , and mounted the dish and aimed it with a spare head from my companies stock, and ran the cable to the living room TV. These were really nice folks that were thrilled to be getting TV channels from Iran, Egypt, Dubai, and 2 from India. As I pulled the receiver box out of the shipping box, I couldn't believe my eyes and I was LOL and WTF !!!??? at the same time. The receiver box was, yup, you guessed it , empty , no circuit boards. I took polaroids for my own amusement, and tried to explain through the little kid that I couldn't finish the job today , because their equipment was "hollow" ... ... I showed them the box and the LNB head and they gave me that look that transcended our language barrier ... like " Are you Frigg<%ing Kidding Us ! ...??? "

So I proceded to SEARS with the empty / empty boxes ... their returns Dept . called in several manager types with clip-boards and they gave me that look again : ...

" Are you Frigg<%ing Kidding Us ! ...??? "

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Sears 360 Return Policy by : Ginette Rose You Can't Get There From Here™

Sears 360 Return Policy

by : Ginette Rose

Ginette goes to a Sears store to check out a sale in progress on infant & toddler clothes. She buys an outfit and pays for it with a credit card. As she is leaving, she spots a similar outfit at a much better price. So she returns to the counter where she just purchased it tried to return the item she just bought 10 minutes ago. The clerk told her that she couldn’t return it because she had just used the credit card, but that if she were to return later or tomorrow or turn around and come back that she could return it. Ginny sensing to ridiculous nature of the robot-clerk, asked , you mean to tell me that if I turn around and come back , that you will let me return it…?

clerk Yes … .

So , she spins around 360 degrees and says “I’m back , can I return it now …?”

The clerk said … Yes … and handles the return.

The Banana Tree has Scientists ! You Can't Get There From Here™

The Banana Tree …

Siggghhh … OK ,

So I decide that I would like to add a few hundred “Mexican Bird of Paradise”  to border my SE Arizona ( almost Mexico ) yard in the front , so that you can see the beautiful Red Yellow & Orange flowers that bloom all Spring Summer & Fall …

So I access “The InterNets” … and I land on The Banana Tree …site looks cool , I find The Red and the Yellow … hmmm where’s the Orange ..?  so .. being the ever-inquisitive seed planter guy that I am , I decide to send them an e-mail to their customer support e-mail listed in their contact us area on their home page , asking if they carry the orange ones … copy to follow … I get this “gem” back …

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We grow the true Mexican bird of paradise, Caesalpinia pulcherrima as is
indicated on our web site.

----- Original Message -----
From: <rosebudfarms@cableone.net>
To: <faban@banana-tree.com>
Cc: <Support@banana-tree.com>
Sent: Sunday, February 01, 2009 7:33 PM
Subject: Customer Support


>   Dan Rose   #
>
> Dear sirs ,
>
> I am looking for what we commonly called Mexican Bird of
> Paradise .
>
> I want Mostly Red ~100 seeds , some Orange , some yellow ...
>
> am I on the right track with these picks from your web-site
> ...?
>
> Looks like I was not able to find the Bright Orange ones ,
> do you carry them ...?
>
>
>
>
> http://www.banana-tree.com/Product_Detail~category~20~Product_ID~353.cfm
>
> red Mexican bird of paradise
>
> http://www.banana-tree.com/Product_Detail~category~20~Product_ID~18862.cfm
>
> yellow Bird of Paradise
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> thanks !
>
> Dan Rose
>
> RoseBud Farms
>
> rosebudfarms@cableone.net
>
> 928-322-7153
>

OK ,

So basically , the “no-name” customer service ( laff ) person / robot … thinks that that was a pretty funny response … him & his buddies are back at the olde Banana Tree just yucking it up , boy they sure pulled a good one over on that dope , yup man did we smoke him ! HA !

Hmmm …What did they just tell me in that response …?

Let’s see now

1.)    We grow the good stuff … cool I WANT the “good” stuff !

2.)    it’s on our Web-site … OK … that’s sweet , so I think that’s what I was asking Jethro there was , where it was exactly …

3.)    so … find it yourself , you dork loser !

Hmmm… So I decide , Gee , wouldn’t it be a great idea to call a live human being and ask them where the Orange ones are so that I can order them . ( you know I find the product that I want and I give them my money and they send them to me … this is pretty much my theory of how this is s u p p o s e d  to work )

So I call the place at 1:45 PM on Feb 02, 2009 , and I get in the most robot lifeless voice possible …  “Banana Tree” … So I explain that I am Dan Rose and That I had E-mailed their customer support and that I had wanted to get some red and yellow and orange Mexican Birds of Paradise , and that I had received a response , but that I did not understand it.

There was a pause … then he ( whomever “he” was ) said ( I’m not making this up ! )

“ Well , we’re Scientists™ here ! “ 

He then went on with a few sentences filled with very technical language and botanical names of things ( you know the Itallian stuff that is meant to impress you if you are impressed by that kind of thing) … I sensed a “You Can’t Get There From Here™” moment was in progress … and I had just dealt with one of those 10 minutes earlier ( See Burgess Seed Co. story ) , so I really wasn’t in the mood for his “I’m superior to you because I’m a Scientist and You Aren’t”  thingie …

So I just bluntly asked…  “ so does that mean that you do or you do not have the Orange ones…?

He continued to use a bunch of hooey , and I finally got out of him that sometimes the red ones can turn orange , but that they grow thousands of types and they can’t guaranty any colors …

Now I thinkin’ ( uhhh WHAT !!! ??? , again isn’t THAT YOUR business ! ??? I thought that you were Scientists™ ! …???

LOL !

Then “He” ends the conversation , by stating that “ well , I have helped you all that I can. “  … click !

I thanked him , and hung up. ( even though he had just hung up on ME , I thanked an empty phone line. ( bizzarre ! )

For a few seconds I was I was of course stunned … again. How is it possible that this guy is allowed to answer the phone and deal with people …? 

I suppose that I should find some comfort in the fact that I kind of almost sort-of , got an answer to my question … but still amazed that it is possible for yet another experience with flat lousy communication skills and people with no people skills handling incoming phone calls.

Amazing !

But wait ! there’s more … LOL ! you will not believe this so I had the presence of mind to copy this after ordering my Red Birds of Paradise ( that might have a few Orange ones in there ) … this is their page that pops-up after you order something from them … I have NOT doctored this in any way , they really DO say this stuff , oh  yes they do !

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you! Your order has been recieved!
Your order number is #39706.
PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT US JUST TO SEE IF WE RECIEVED THIS ORDER, IF YOU ARE READING THIS PAGE WE DID 100% GET YOUR ORDER. WE DO NOT LOSE ORDERS, IF YOU ARE READING THIS YOUR ORDER IS IN OUR DATABASE SYSTEM AND IS BEGING PROCESSED.

• YOU WILL NOT BE CHARGED UNTIL WE SHIP YOUR ORDER, IF YOU HAVE A LARGE ORDER IT MAY TAKE UP TO 10 DAYS TO FILL YOUR ORDER DEPENDING ON SEED AVALIABLITY AT THE TIME OF YOUR ORDER.
• THERE'S A CHANCE YOU MAY NOT GET YOUR EMAIL ORDER CONFIRMATION FROM US FOR THIS ORDER, BECAUSE OF ANTI-SPAM BLOCKERS AND TYPOS IN EMAIL ADDRESSES ETC.. IF YOU DON'T GET AN EMAIL CONFIRMATION DON'T CONTACT US TO SEE IF WE RECIEVED YOUR ORDER, IF YOU ARE ON THIS PAGE READING THIS, YOUR ORDER IS 100% IN OUR DATABASE, YOU COULD NOT HAVE REACHED THIS PAGE WITHOUT YOUR ORDER BEING ADDED TO OUR DATABASE FIRST.
• PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT US JUST TO SEE IF WE RECIEVED THIS ORDER, IF YOU ARE READING THIS PAGE WE DID 100% GET YOUR ORDER. WE DO NOT LOSE ORDERS, IF YOU ARE READING THIS YOUR ORDER IS IN OUR DATABASE SYSTEM AND WILL BE PROCESSED IN A TIMELY MANNER.
• DO NOT RE-ORDER BECAUSE YOU THINK WE DIDNT' GET YOUR ORDER, IF YOU'RE ON THIS PAGE WE 100% HAVE YOUR ORDER, PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT JUST TO SEE IF WE GOT YOUR ORDER, IF YOU ARE READING THIS YOUR ORDER IS IN OUR DATABASE AND WILL BE SENT OUT ASAP.
• DO NOT PLACE ANOTHER ORDER BECASUE YOU THINK WE DIDN'T GET YOUR FIRST ORDER, AS THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE WE'LL CHARGE AND SEND YOU BOTH ORDERS, WE PROCESS A LARGE VOLUME OF ORDERS DAILY AND CAN NOT CATCH ALL ORDER MISTAKES.

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The SuperSonic Breakfast Burrito™ by: Dan Rose Courtesy of Sonic You Can't Get There From Here™

The SuperSonic Breakfast Burrito™

 

by: Dan Rose                                                   Courtesy of Sonic

While attending a trade show and setting up our booth , a co-worker suggested that he get us set-up with a couple of Breakfast Burritos. He brought me a couple and they were very good indeed . A tortilla with scrambled eggs , bacon , cheese, potatoes , Jalapeno and onions sautéed , and the crowning glory of Green Chili.  MAN , were they good !

Well the next day as I was preparing to enter the exhibit hall for the day , I stopped at the local Sonic , where the previous morning , we had purchased these fine Burritos.

I pull up to the order window . The bell “dings.”  Out of the speaker comes Whaa wa wa whaaa wa whhhaaa wa … ?

Well , he / she / it must have been giving me a salutation and asking what my order was … I guess … so I  proceed to order  :

Yes I’ll have the SuperSonic Breakfast Burrito …pause … speaker : Whaa wa wa whaaa wa whhhaaa wa … ? I didn’t understand you , did you get that …? Speaker :  Whaa wa wa whaaa wa whhhaaa wa … ? I’m not sure what it is you are saying , ( now v e r r r y   s l o w l y …)  Yes , I want the breakfast burrito with the eggs , bacon , cheese , potatoes, peppers & onions and the green Chili … pause … speaker : (barely recognizing as the English language )  sorry , we can’t make that for you … Me : What do you mean …? Speaker : We can’t make that for you Sir”  ( boy , now THAT sure helped clarify things )

Me : Why can’t you make it for me , I don’t understand …? speaker : we don’t have potatoes Sir … Me: yes you do ! speaker : Sir , we can’t make that burrito for you , WE DON’T HAVE POTATOES!  Me: ( almost chuckling that this was a classic case of severe Taco Bell Syndrome )  uhhh… well I bought four of them right here yesterday , and so I want one today … ( thinking , searching my mind trying to think what could possibly be the problem here … hmmm … “ so , are you saying that you ran out of potatoes or something …? Speaker : Sir , we don’t carry potatoes here …

( I’m sitting there thinking either this gal is as dumb as a box of rocks , or I’m on Candid Camera or something …the cars behind me are 6 deep by now … thinking ,  look at the menu board , hmmm…  French fries , Tater Tots … last time I checked , those both pretty muck qualified as part of the potato family … WTF …???  Hmmm… gotta’ use logic , don’t get angry , stay calm … )

Me : look I don’t know what the problem is , I just want the same thing I got yesterday …a burrito with eggs bacon cheese potatoes and green chili , it’s right here on the menu board that I an looking at …pause … exasperated voice through the speaker : Sir , we can’t make that burrito for you , WE DON’T HAVE POTATOES! Sir !

Me: ( now totally angry )  So you are REFUSING to make my burrito  ! ?  I drive away , circle the parking lot and decide that there must be a brighter bulb in the box than the gal on the speaker. Now I don’t know if Sonic is a national chain or just a regional; thing , but it’s set-up like an old-fashioned A & W drive in , where you drive in at an angle and young girls & guys come out to your car and deliver your order so you can eat in your car.

 So I pull into a stall and push the order button.  Speaker :  Whaa wa wa whaaa wa whhhaaa wa …may I take your order  ? Me : could you please send someone out here ? speaker : OK … 20 seconds , young cute girl shows up , I say look I don’t know what the problem is with the main window , but I want this ( pointing to the burrito picture on the order board , me being brilliant thinking that a picture might produce better communication with these life-forms )  “and I want green chili on it “  she says oh , OK … she disappears into the kitchen , now I’m waiting and waiting and waiting , several cars have pulled up on either side of me with multiple passengers and been served , eaten their “meals” and left , and I , well I’m still waiting for my burrito ( 20 minutes … hmmm … why is this taking so long …? )

 I push the service button … speaker : Whaa wa wa whaaa wa whhhaaa wa … May I take your order ?  Me: uhhh… yeah I’m wonderin’ if you’ve made any progress on that Burrito in there … speaker : Did you place an order …? Me: YES , I ordered a SuperSonic Breakfast Burrito with Green Chili on it … speaker : hold on I’ll check  … tick tick tick … 5 minutes later no answer yet , now I’m really getting angry … a young pimply faced kid appears at my window with a tray full of jelly paks and ketchup & mustard paks & sugar and stuff and says : do you need anything here sir …? Me: Well , yes I’d like the Burrito that I ordered over half an hour ago ! kid : I ‘ll go check … another 5 minutes … nothing …

I figure I’ve been had , some kid is in the back peeling flys off the pest strips , spitting and whacking into that burrito by now … NO-ONE waits 35 minutes at drive-thru restaurant for anything … Me: pushing service button,   speaker: Whaa wa wa whaaa wa whhhaaa wa … May I take your order ?  Me: YEAH , I’M THE GUY THAT HAS BEEN WAITING FOR THE BURRITO OUT HERE FOR 35 MINUTES , I KNOW WHAT YOU PERVERTED LOSERS ARE DOING TO IT IN THE BACK ROOM , YOU GET TO KEEP IT FOR YOURSELVES ! …

I drive off without my Breakfast Burrito.

Circa 2007

The WheelBarrow that Jack Built By : Taglys You Can't Get There From Here™

The WheelBarrow  that Jack Built

By : Taglys                                                     Courtesy of Lowes’

I had one of those you can't get there from here moments at Lowe's Knows Jack Schnikey.... I went to buy a wheelbarrow a simple enough operation so I thought. After just looking around at all the neat stuff they have sitting around in the great expanse of consumerism. I decided well I would go check out the wheelbarrows outside.... so I am looking around at this one that one and another all lined up together and chained up. I decided on which one I wanted walked in and waited patiently at the counter. I stood there listening to the to guy's behind the counter discuss how well they scored the night before. I give the *ahem* (hello customer here wanting to buy something so they can pay you to stand and talk all day sign)..."yeah can I help you?" "I want to buy one the wheel barrows out there product number# yadda yadda"...he goes into his book and charges me I pay him..."uh yeah your going to have to go to lawn and garden"..."uh no they are right out there...if you just step into the alcove you can see them"...."No the one you want is in lawn and garden"....

I began to question my sanity and was wondering if I had a LSD flashback or something...so I walk aaaaaaaalll the way down to the other end of the store...I walk up to the cashier I hand her my receipt and say "I need to pick up this wheel barrow I just paid for aaaaaallllll the way down there and came here to get it. "I'm sorry sir you came to far, they are down at contractor sales" "You need to go back down there and get it" "Wait I was just there, they told me to come here even though I already knew they were just outside the door" " Well sir you need to go back down there and a manager will be waiting for you" *sigh*

 I get there wait a few minutes out comes the manager on the phone. "I would like this one here." As I hand her my receipt. "I'm sorry there has been a misunderstanding" "You paid for an unassembled one and they are in the garden center." Up until this time I have remained calm and very amiable...

I now feel the switch on my breaker begin to flip. I look at the price tag and then my receipt and back at the price tag that amazingly match each other.” No, I paid for this one right here...it's 49.99.... I paid 49.99." "Well sir there is a 10.00 assembly fee" "That may be so...then the original price of the wheel barrow should be 39.99 +10.00 makes 49.99." "It would be 59.99 if we assembled it" I'm not an engineering genius but that wheelbarrow looked pretty dang assembled to me. "This is the price I paid this is the price that is on the wheel barrow if it's wrong you can change it once I leave with mine."

Then it hit me like a beacon "FREE ASSEMBLY" I point this out...and she looks at not only that tag but all of the tags just to make sure I guess...."we will get you taken care of I am really sorry" "I will get the guy to come out and unlock them." "Wait a minute you don't even have a key and you came out here to do what?" Well...since I decided to actually purchase my wheel barrow took 45 minutes...plus waiting 15 min for Zeke to stop talking to Bubba and come out and unlock it...after he asked to see my receipt.... Zeke is the same one who sent me to lawn and garden at first....

oh yeah their assembly job sucked the wheel fell off.

By : Taglys

Dairy Queen Gravy by: Tim Rose You Can't Get There From Here™

Dairy Queen Gravy 

by: Tim Rose

I went to a Dairy Queen. They have the best chicken strips around - MMMMMM chicken strips. The reason they are the best is because instead of serving them with BBQ sauce or honey mustard or some other sodium benzoate goop, they serve the chicken strips with HOT homestyle white gravy - southern style! YEAH!

However on this occasion, I wasn't extremely hungry and I was short on cash, I decided to order the 'kid's meal' version which had 2 strips instead of 4 and was about 3 bucks with a drink and fries. When I ordered it, I of course, requested that it come with the gravy - and plenty of it because chicken strips without gravy are...well, ...McNuggets.

So the classic Taco Bell response was - " Sorry we don't serve gravy with the chicken strips." To which my obvious reply was "Do you no longer have the ability to make gravy?" No, we have lots of gravy, we just don't serve it with the kid's meal. Ok, can I have some gravy with my kids meal? No. Why do you not serve the gravy with the kids meal? Because the gravy is HOT.

 Exactly. That is kind of the point of having gravy with the chicken strips.

We can’t serve gravy with the kids meal.

If I were to order the large serving of chicken strips, would I be able to get the HOT gravy?

Yes.

Then how about giving me the HOT gravy with my kids meal? We cant serve gravy with the kids meal Ok, I'll bite - WHY NOT?

Because kids might burn themselves.

Ok, but it is for me - I am clearly an adult there are no children with me and I cross my heart that I wont go out and resell it to some wandering 8-year old out on the street and you just said you would give me the gravy if I ordered the larger size. So if it is ok for me to burn myself with a large order, can I not have the freedom to burn myself with the kids meal?

We can’t serve gravy with the kids meal.

Is the gravy a controlled substance? How about if I order the kids meal and request a side-order of gravy?

Sure, we can do that.

So I paid the extra $.50 - but I had HOT gravy...

 I think I burned my tongue.

McDonalds Burger With No Burger : by : Ginette Rose You Can't Get There From Here™

Burger With No Burger :

 by : Ginette Rose

My wife ordered burgers for everyone when we were cleaning our home to move one time . when she got home she passed them out to everyone , she got to hers , she opened the wrapper and hmmm nothing 2 buns with ketchup mustard and 3 pickle slices but no meat . The burger had no burger. So instead of tossing the buns to the chickens , she drives back to McDummys and presents the wrapper with the buns and no burger to the pimply faced kid at the register. The kid is paralysed , he can't figure out what to do , can't even figure out to appologize and replace the burger just stands there with the glazed robot look . My wife tells the robot clerk that she expects the burger to be replaced , the kid is panic-stricken , there is no button to push with the picture of a burger with no burger comming back and a burger with a burger going out. So , instead of politely excusing himself to find a higher authority , he stands in place hands firmly glued to the cash register turns his head and YELLS OUT the name of the Manager .. The Manager is a pretty bright bulb too , she's standing across the other side of the kitchen YELLS BACK : WHAT'S THE PROBLEM ...? The kid is frozen , he must have blown a diode or 2 , so the wife yells back , I got a burger , and there was no burger in it ! ...

The Manager , being the one that gets to wear the pointy hat , yells back : Is That How You Ordered it ...? Ginny : WHAT ...??? !!!  Ginny to Zit-King ... Who would order it like THAT ! ...? He shrugs his shoulders ) ( Now you have to understand here , my wife is a very short stout French Gal , but you Do Not want to tick her off ! ) ... sensing the impending doom of her Taco Bell Syndrome™... she opens the wrapper and holds up the ketchup coverd buns in the air ( nice line forming behind her as the Manager stays put at the fryer, ) No , you don't understand (trying to be kind ) , the burger had no meat in it , alls' I got was a bun. Manager still across the kitchen , do you have your receipt ...? ( uhh oh , wrong thing to say , wife realizes a full blown Taco Bell Syndrome , a catagory 5 is about to hit , decides it's time for paint by numbers ) ... Look I was just in here 10 minutes ago , I bought XXX items , I got home and they forgot to put the burger in my burger . You are going to replace my burger with a fresh one AND you are going to refund my money. Manager looks at line of people , calls zit-king register robot boy over to tend fryer , offers her a coupon  , replaces burger and did not apologize. just handed her the sack and returned to the fryer so robot boy could run the register. Ahhh corporate training at it's finest.

Circa 1998